Upset

I remember not too long ago that I said to myself that if anyone I loved dearly (romantically) left me then I’d be okay with it, move on and find a new one as if nothing happened. I didn’t understand why people waste their time on their partners when they already cheated on them, I always thought, “What’s the point?” Time to move on with life. What I didn’t see then was their investment in their relationship. Of course when you spent years of your life spending your time and most valuable resources on that person in the name of love, you’d be devastated to know that all that has gone to waste because your relationship did not work. But it’s not too bad, because you never lose in love, at least you learned something that may make you stronger and live your life better. But sometimes your broken relationship does not end there, it has left you with some dilemmas caused by your actions because of love (as an excuse), with your stupidity, I mean. You’ve involved other people you love dearly that shouldn’t be affected because of the breakup. Your kids. They’re too young to understand what’s going on with their parents. Maybe they’d understand in the future but this will surely affect their perspective on relationships. You’d wish it’d be easy to explain to them the situation just like a teacher in the classroom. But alas! It does not work like that.

Clearly, you’d be upset. You’ve moved on with the relationship gone bad. But the problems it has left you makes you upset. It makes you sad. You’re not affected by the fact that the mother of your kids parties all night while your kids are at home waiting for her. And the circumstances does not allow you to accompany your kids that are home alone. You’re not upset that she parties and is with another guy. You’re upset that she cares more about her happiness than the happiness of your children. You choose not to care because it’s been too long that you cared. And it hurt, it hurt so much that you stopped caring to stop the pain. You’d wish you know this was going to happen so that you could stop it before it could happen. But it has already happened. And you can do nothing about it. Except move on and do what’s best for you and the children.

You’re still hoping that she’d pay more attention to your children. She wants to have custody over them, why is she treating them like that? You deserve to have custody over them but the circumstances are not in your favor again. Because the world works like that. But you’re an adult now. You blame yourself for your shortcomings that this happened. And somehow that makes you feel better, because at least you know you’re at fault. But you also know that it’s not only you that is at fault. You’d wish you could talk to her about the problem but she brushes it off every time you try to. She repeatedly blames you for your shortcomings. As if you’re the only cause of all this mess. Then you realize that there’s very little you can do to fix the situation. And that being apathetic to all of these will make you handle the situation better.

So you just resort to writing it like this. That’d make you feel better. It has already made you feel better. Tomorrow will be a better day.